GROSS-OUT SCIENCE

Make Your Own Mucus

YOU WILL NEED:
1/2 cup of water, 3 envelopes of unflavoured gelatine, liquid glucose, measuring cup, microwave oven or a stove, a grownup

Boogers? Science? Not compatible, you say? Think again, friend! Boogers are very scientific. Boogers are made of mucus, which is a thick and sticky, gooey and icky substance that our bodies create in order to protect us.

We have mucus in our stomachs, which prevents the stomach acids that digest our foods from melting our stomach linings! We have it in our intestines, where it protects us from illnesses, and we have it... in our noses, as every kid knows!

The mucus in our noses catches dust and dirt that we would otherwise inhale into our lungs. When mucus gets filled with dust and dirt, it turns into boogers. We can make fake mucus and see how it turns into boogers with a few ingredients, a kitchen, and some help from a friendly adult!

To make your own mucus, heat 1/2 cup of water until it boils, and then remove it from the heat and pour it into the Pyrex measuring cup. Sprinkle the 3 envelopes of gelatine into the water, and stir it with a fork until it is all dissolved. Pour in just enough corn syrup to make one cup full of gooey liquid. Stir it with a fork and lift out any long strands of goo. While it cools, add more water, a spoonful at a time.

Mucus is made out of mostly protein and sugar. You used protein and sugar to make your mucus, but they were a little different from the ones your body makes. The long strands of goo you lifted out were proteins. The protein in mucus is what makes it sticky and stretchy.

You can turn your mucus into fake boogers by adding dust to it. Ask your grownup to help you change the bag on the vacuum cleaner, then take the bag and your mucus out into the yard or driveway. Drop a couple of pinches of the finest dust from the bag into your mucus, and stir it in. The mucus is now boogers! Take a close look at it and be glad you didn't breathe that gunk into your body!

Boogers on a Stick

YOU WILL NEED:
8 ounce jar Cheese Whiz, 3 or 4 drops green food colouring, 3 dozen pretzel sticks

Melt Cheese Whiz in the microwave according to jar. Allow the cheese to cool slightly in the jar. Carefully stir in food colouring using just enough to turn the cheese a pale snot green. To form boogers: Dip and twist the tip of each pretzel stick into the cheese, lift out, wait twenty seconds, then dip again. When cheese lumps reach a boogerish size, set pretzels boogers on wax paper to cool.

Simple Pimples

YOU WILL NEED:
1 or 2 dozen cherry tomatoes, Soft cream cheese spread

Core tomatoes with a carrot peeler or knife. Drain excess tomato juice. Use a table knife to fill holes in tomatoes with cream cheese. Give each pimple a gentle squeeze and arrange on a platter.

Monster Eyes

YOU WILL NEED:
Prunes, cream cheese, raisons

Stuff pitted prunes with cream cheese and top each with a raisin.

Strained Eyeballs

YOU WILL NEED:
6 hard-boiled eggs, 6 oz. whipped cream cheese, 7 oz. green olives -- with pimientos, Red food colouring

Peel eggs cut in half lengthwise. Remove the discard yolks. Fill the holes with cream cheese. Press an olive into each cream cheese eyeball, pimiento facing up, for an eerie green iris and startling red pupil! For a final touch, dip the tip of a toothpick in red food colouring and draw broken blood vessels in the cream cheese.

Brain Cell Salad

YOU WILL NEED:
1 6 oz. package blueberry gelatine, 1 16 oz. container small curd cottage cheese, 1 16 1/2 oz. can blueberries in syrup or 3/4 cup frozen, blueberries - thawed, Blue food colouring

Prepare gelatine according to package directions. Chill 4-5 hours or until firm.

Scoop cottage cheese into a bowl. Drain and set aside the syrup from the blueberries. Add the berries to the cottage cheese and mix well. Add three drops of food colouring to turn the cottage cheese a nice greyish colour with mixed together.

To serve salad, place a few spoonfuls of firm gelatine, (congealed brain fluid), on individual serving plates. Top with a scoop of cottage cheese (brain tissue) mixture. Serves 6.

Tongues on Toast

YOU WILL NEED:
8 white bread slices, 8 bologna slices, Mustard

With clean scissors, cut each slice of bread into a closed mouth shape. Then, with a dull knife, cut an opening between the upper and lower lips. Cut the bologna with scissors into thin, tongue-like strips.

Place the tongues between the bread lips so that the tongues hang out of the mouths. Spread mustard on the bread and toast lightly in a toaster oven or under the broiler until the bread is golden brown. Arrange on a serving platter.

Eyeball Cookies

YOU WILL NEED:
1/2 cup butter, softened, 1 1/2 cups peanut butter, 1 pound powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 12 ounces white chocolate almond bark

Cream the butter and peanut butter together. Add the sugar and vanilla and thoroughly blend. Shape into small 1-inch balls, place on waxed paper and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Melt the white chocolate in the microwave. With a toothpick, dip the "eyeballs" into the white chocolate, covering all but a small circle on the top. Let cool on waxed paper. Makes 40 eyeballs.

Day Old Bath Water

YOU WILL NEED:
12 ounce can frozen lemonade, 2 litres 7-Up, 1/2 gallon rainbow sherbet, Pastel collared pillow mint candies.

Thaw sherbet for approximately 15 minutes and place in a plastic tub. Add lemonade (prepared according to directions) and 7-up. Sherbet will melt and turn mixture into day-old bath water, greyish-brown. Float a handful of green, yellow and white tiny after dinner mints (tiny bars of soap) on top of the scummy punch.

Chocolate Armpit Hairs

YOU WILL NEED:
3 large shredded wheat bundles, 3 Tablespoons honey, 1 Tablespoon light brown sugar, 1 6-ounce bag milk chocolate chips, 2 Tablespoons butter

Break up the shredded wheat bundles into single long strands, so they have the appearance of armpit hairs. Set aside. Place the honey, brown sugar, chocolate chips, and butter in a saucepan and heat over a low flame to melt. Stir constantly. Mixture should be smooth and glossy. Remove from heat and gently stir in the shredded wheat. When the shredded wheat is completely coated, scoop it onto waxed paper in small equal portions. Use a fork to gently rake hairs in one direction. Place in refrigerator to chill for about thirty minutes.
Sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve.

Chunky Cat Barf

YOU WILL NEED:
1 large spaghetti squash, 8 oz. container cottage cheese, 16 oz. grated Mozzarella cheese , 8 oz. grated Parmesan cheese, 1 quart spaghetti sauce

Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage cheese, half of the Mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses, and spaghetti sauce Mix until it looks like its name. Top with remaining cheese. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

Kitty Litter Cake

YOU WILL NEED:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix, 1 box white cake mix, 1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix, 1 package vanilla sandwich cookies, Green food colouring, 12 small Tootsie Rolls, 1 new (and definitely unused) kitty litter pan, 1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner, 1 new Pooper Scooper

Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans). Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food colouring and mix together. When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. (Mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it soggy. Combine gently).

Line new, clean kitty litter box. Put mixture into litter box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top.

Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top. (This is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.) Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around.